Today I took ages to get up. By the third time I dragged myself out of bed it was 12 already (yes third, I kept getting back in). Then I went into the spare room and played on my iPhone for I don’t know how long. Somewhere near lunchtime (everybody was in holiday mode so we had lunch later) mum found me and got me to help with lunch. We had a platter of random suff that could feasibly go on crackers and some ham and chicken. The ham was leftover from Christmas, so when Ollie smelt all the spices with it (although his nose was probably focusing on the fat and meat smell) he went crazy. He kept jumping up, but the ham was in the middle of the table so he had no hope. Not that his brain seemed willing to notify him of that. His nearest attempt was when he tried to jump onto the bench we were sitting on at a step up to the actual table. It would have worked, if he hadn’t tried it from under the table. THONK. That dog has one thick skull. After lunch (Catherine put him on the deck and slid the old mattress across as a makeshift fence so we could eat) we did some jobs. I had washing, and it was so hot outside. The clothes barely took an hour to dry. Me? If I hadn’t have put the wet clothes on myself as I hung them up to keep me cool I would have been fried to a crisp. Even the washing machine couldn’t keep up. I used the time in between to check if Master had said anything. Even if the possibility is on the small side of 50% it’s still worth checking. Then again, in my book anything Master-related is worth doing. I also checked out some sites on the D/s stuff. I can’t always be a complete “dumb blonde” (I couldn’t think of a better word with the meaning “cluelessly innocent”) when it comes to anything remotely sexual. Or non-sexual it seems. Apparently there are D/s relationships with nothing sexual about them at all. I can’t imagine it, but then again erotica isn’t exactly the best educator when it comes to relationships. How would it even work? It must somehow for them, but it’s hard to wrap my head around it. One day I’ll understand. But not today. Then we all went in the pool, even Mum and Dad. Mum didn’t stay in for long, and we soon found out why. Nanna and Papa (Dad’s parents) came in the gate, and we all had to get out still dripping wet from the pool. Then Mum came out from the house with a dress on and only her wet hair to show that she’d been swimming. We sat around for a bit, while the adults talked and I went in my room to play on my iPhone. Still no messages from Master. I found this cute quote from someone on the internet.
When I text you, it means I miss you. When I don’t text you, it means I’m waiting for you to miss me.
And I was like… That’s so true. I found a couple of other quotes online, maybe I should post a few, and saved those that I liked, or that I was like – that’s so me. Then we walked Ollie (blip! I forgot to walk him yesterday, so that’s what I forgot) around the block. Then when we got home we had dinner out the front and after that Nanna and Papa left. Me and Catherine bounced on the trampoline, but she says I’m too heavy and that when I bounce it makes it scary for her. I point out that she’s probably gotten heavier since we were last on the trampoline as little kids too. “Yeah, but you’re still to heavy” she replies in a I-know-you’re-right-but-I’m-being-stubborn voice. You can’t win with her. I go to bed, hoping I’m not too late before I have to get my Goodnight picture before lights out. I just manage it, though only a few seconds before Mum comes down the hall. I know I should do my blog, but I stare out the window instead. The stars are so pretty and so many. I start to pair each one up with something I love about Master. Then I start to struggle to find stars that I haven’t “used” before. I move to the other side of my window, but that only gives me 20 or so more stars. A quote that I read from just that afternoon pops into my head, and I laugh as I realise I’ve done just that. For ease of reference I’ll write it here.
I started counting one star in the sky for each reason I love you…Then I ran out of stars and I realized the reasons are infinite.
Weird huh? Anyway, after that I sent it to Master, and then started on my blog. And for the first time I’ve taken no more than an hour to write it. Maybe it’s because we didn’t do much today. Sweet dreams, I hope I’m in them. You’re already in mine.
P.S. After I laid back down in bed, I knew I’d forgotten something. Again. What was it? The problem with knowing you’ve forgotten something, is you know, without a doubt, that there’s something, anything but you have no clue as to what. After the next hour of tossing and turning, it came to me. It turned out to be two things actually.
1. Was my 15 minutes in the Stay position.
And 2. Was my full moon ritual. Thank you google for confirming that.
I did Master’s Stay position first. Even though it was a good 45 minutes past 12, I hoped it counted. I opened up the window and used that as something to keep my eyes on. 12:46 was the time I started. And 12:57 was the time I ended. What is it about sitting still with my eyes doing nothing except keeping straight, and my back in a posture that should be easy and natural, that is so hard? It sounds like it should be easy-peasy but I got 11 minutes again. Just 4 minutes shy of the mark. 4 minutes. The one hour goal is looking much further away. How come I’m getting lower than before rather than higher? It’s so frustrating. And now I have to do it all over again. Practice makes perfect. And so I must practice. I swear my iPhone knows when I’m doing it and slows down it’s clock. Maybe if I used my watch it might cooperate with me better. If I put my watch on the window sill then I could watch the time and see how much further I had to go. I seriously thought I was somewhere near the 40minute mark today. 11 minutes. Maybe I should count the seconds in my head, no counting doesn’t work, when I’m working out something I look up. I wish he had said to close my eyes rather than keep them straight ahead. It’s so much harder to have to keep them focused on something. I tried again, 1:23 till 1:45. 22 minutes. It seems that’s the record to beat. This time I waited a few minutes before I tried counting. I used the eye trick so that I wouldn’t have to pay attention to what my eyes were flitting over too (that part didn’t work out – I reacted slower when my eyes wandered) then I started counting in my head in lots of 60’s and 120’s opening a finger out of my clenched fist for every minute, then repeating a hand to make 10+5. When I got to the last minute I unconsciously counted faster then slowed as I noticed it, then faster as soon as I wasn’t concentrating on it. As soon as my mind spoke “60” I fell sideways onto my pillow. You never realiser how much your back hurts until you relax it. I don’t know why time passed so slowly, but maybe it was because I was paying more attention to every second. How can I take 15 minutes texting Master or reading a book in what feels like five seconds, yet when it comes to doing nothing it feels like hours. I wish it were the other way round. At least I managed to get 22 minutes. I don’t think I would have been able to try for 15 minutes again if I had failed again.
Now for the full moon ritual. Since you probably won’t want to know, and neither would anyone but me honestly, I won’t bore you with describing it. In fact, the only part you would probably find interesting would be my nakedness. But then again, you’re a warm-blooded male. And I’m a warm-blooded female. It’s only natural. We, I better say goodnight, even though I want to keep up. The longer I stay on my iPhone the more likely I’ll catch you when you go to Snapchat for your Goodnight Photo. But I’m sooo tired. Oh well I’ll have to see if you’ve said anything in the morning
You’re in my heart tonight, tomorrow, and forever. Sweet dreams, handsome
Today I’m starting a little earlier than usual, at 9 rather than 10. Will that mean I end up finishing an hour earlier? Probably not, but worth a try. The thing is, while most normal people suffer from “the night before” wether it be staying up too late or drinking too much, I don’t. Well, I’ve yet to see if drinking something other than non-alcoholic drinks has a similar effect, but it seems plausible. My body processes it a full day late. So the morning after the night with Master – I was perfectly fine. Today however, I was so tired that I sat down for a second and rested my head against the garden wall, and fell asleep. Only for a minute or two, but I haven’t been that tired in ages. Actually, forever -I’ve never stayed up that late. Or early really, since it was light before I fell asleep. And my two hour nap from yesterday morning didn’t help much either.
So I’ll start again in chronological order. As I usually do, so that I don’t miss out something.
I woke up in a kind of haze I haven’t felt since the school mornings. “Too early!” My brain cried. “Too early” I agreed. I slipped in and out of the haze as I slowly realised that sleep was over. And not coming back. I tossed and turned for the next couple of hours, before I grudgingly accepted that I should get out of bed. It took another 15 minutes to actually do this, but only 5 to get dressed. Unlike most girls, I’m an expert at getting ready fast. Not being obsessive about hair (a quick brush) and no makeup probably helps that. I hear yelling, and listen in. Apparently Catherine wasn’t fast enough at doing a job for dad (she probably took her iPhone with her) and Mum offers for her to take down all the Christmas decorations instead. And Mum wants it done by lunchtime. I can tell Catherine’s upset so I make me presence know by saying “I’ll help her” rather than go lay on the spare room bed and play on my iPhone. Mum says I can help her but I have to do another job as well. Gee, she is in a bad mood. I help Catherine, vaguely wishing that I had’ve just chosen my iPhone instead. She sniffles a bit, but at least it’s not all out tears like I would probably do. It takes what seem like ages to pack them all up, or at least all the ones in the lounge room anyway. My watch says it’s only an hour, but it feels like several. Then mum gets me to do the washing, and the washing basket has been pilling up. It takes 4 loads before I’m done. Really full loads too, I had to squish the last one in. It was so hot outside hanging them up to, and they dried really quickly. Mum taught me how to fold a fitted sheet, which I think I’ve sort of got the hang of. I still need a lot more practice though. Mum opened her presents in the sitting room, and then we got in the car to go to Sizzlers. Grandma, Grandad, Benjamin, Peta (my aunt) and Uncle Mark met us there. And they brought along their foster kids too, Lailarnie and Lexi. Lexi’s about my age and we chatted about random stuff. I can’t even remember. We all gorged ourselves on the buffet and by the time I walked out the door I was ready to burst. We sang Happy Birthday to Mum but Lexi didn’t. I still can’t figure out why, maybe she had her mouth full. I went in Grandma and Grandad’s car and we got home first by about an hour. The adults in the other car wanted to look at a house they saw on the internet which was on the way. I started my blog while I waited, and checked Tiny Tower and Flower Garden. I had finally earnt 1000 green thumb points, and I bought myself a whole new set of virtual pots with which to plant my new packet of seeds into. I wrote for a while, before Mum wanted me to sit with everyone in the siting room rather than laying on my bed. I wrote a while there to, but it was harder to concentrate with everybody talking around me and the zip on the cushion digging into me. (It’s 11 now so the earlier start didn’t influence when I would finish) I went to bed and got changed, then tried to take my Goodnight Picture. Thank goodness it was on the bed, otherwise I would’ve kept dropping it on the floor. Every time I tried to move my thumb (or even any other finger-I tried all) to tap the shutter button I dropped it. Every single time. I just couldn’t hold it far away enough to get a good picture, and still manage to take it. There were a few fails (one half my face was out of the picture – you can’t fault me for that) and a few ones that would’ve looked good if I had my sound turned on so that it could tell me I didn’t manage to take it before it fell. Then Mum said lights out before I could get it. I continued on my blog, waiting until everybody was asleep before I turned my brightness up to full and tried again. This one was too dark, even when I took it with the normal camera and turned auto-enhance on. Still, it was the best I could get without turning on my bedside light and waking up the whole house. Serves me right for not being quick enough to take a good one when I had the chance. Hope Master won’t be cross about it being so late either. I better finish my blog now, since nothing more is happening. I can’t get rid of the feeling that I’ve forgotten to do something though. What is it?
I remember now, although not after spending some time looking through my photos, LOLSOTRUE’s. It was my 15 minutes in Master’s Stay position. Good thing I have enough time still left to go before midnight to do it. I sat there, but again Master was typing to me again. And again it was hard to keep my concentration going. I only got to 11 minutes, before I just had to check. At least my back remembers to keep straighter unlike the first time. And my eyes, well I’ve learnt a trick. I can let them go all unfocused and while whatever my eyes were looking at gets fuzzy, the area around that gets clearer until it’s all the same “fuzziness”. Not that it makes that much of a difference in the dark anyway. But by doing it I can let my mind take in what’s in the corner of my eye, giving it a bigger space to roam rather than just straight ahead. I did it without realising in front of Mum today and she said it makes my eyes look cross-eyed. That’s how I figure out how to do it. Add to that how I had just written to Master how, erotic, it makes me feel… Well my mind couldn’t concentrate an inch. So I’ll have to try again, even though it’s past 12 o’clock now and technically morning. Maybe this time I’ll be better because of the practice a few minutes ago.
Or not. My lock screen lit up because it said Master sent a text via Snapchat, and the sudden bright light made me immediately turn my head. I can’t have lasted more that 2 minutes. Then when I unlocked it to see it wouldn’t come up. I told him that they weren’t coming up, and hoped that at least my messages were getting through. Then he sent a Goodnight Eruanna which made me smile. So I sent a Goodnight Master back. Now to make use of the old adage. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Master’s gone to bed now, so as long as none of my other apps decide to bring up a new notification then I should be good. I hope.
Phew, that was, weird. It was normal for the first bit, the fidgeting in my hands, and wiggling my feet. The constant posture corrections. And the buzz of thoughts. Not to mention the ever-so-slight tension down where I suspected my hands weren’t allowed to wander. However much they wanted to. Then, and this was the weird bit, everything went quiet. Not the outside noise, although I seemed to become oblivious to that too, but the inside noise. That torrent of thoughts, most of them fleeting enough to be useless, was gone. Not entirely gone, as the odd that trickled in. But that inner waterfall of noise had come almost to a dead stop. At the same time that happened a few other things happened too. Like I stopped fidgeting. Completely. I simply didn’t feel the need to move. Any part of my body. I started to see little pictures in the hedge out the window. The same way you do with clouds on a lazy day just staring up at the sky. And i checked my posture ever now and then, only to find it didn’t need correcting. It kept straight without my having to think about it. As I said before. Weird. When I idly wondered if it was time yet, I waited what could have been 2 minutes or 10, before I glanced down with my eyes. That broke the trance/state/whatever-came-over-me. Suddenly the small ache in my back was bigger, but it now hurt more to slouch instead. So I carefully laid down, and checked the time. 19 minutes from 12:29 till 12:38. Not as good as last time, but still over 15 and far better than 11. I was hoping for what seemed like a massive improvement, like last time though, probably 30 minutes. Or something like that. Oh well, practice makes perfect. And I wasn’t perfect last time but I was this time. Or at least I think I was. Last time I would have definitely had a few red marks to show for myself. This time I would have only gotten 2 or 3 at most. If Master was very perceptive. I hope to one day get to a zero without fail. And at least an hour on the clock. Well, somehow that still position has made me tired, as well as the day. So it’s a goodnight from me.
P.S. I was thinking of posting some of those LOLSOTRUE’s and quotes on here for you to have a look/laugh at. It might make reading my blog a bit more interesting than just the usual Daily Diary Entry.
Today I didn’t have as much of a lazy day as yesterday. When I got up I had breakfast, and Grandma asked me to clean some of her kitchen cupboards. She got the dust cloths, and the spray cleaner, and I set to work. Then Grandma wanted everyone’s washing because she was going to put a load on. I had a dilemma. I had only brought one pair of undies because I packed in such a rush. So it was get them washed, or wear dirty undies for the rest of the week. So I ened up cleaning the cupboards with nothing but an ankle length skirt on my bottom half. Spending most of the time on my knees, with my favourite topic of thought, Master, made it more than slightly uncomfortable. It still is, Grandma hasn’t finished her washing yet. After I did the cupboards, I watched The Time Traveler’s Wife with Grandad. Halfway through we had dinner, and the I had a shower. Then we watched the rest of the movie. Grandad even cried alittle at the end. I’m watching the TV now, waiting for the 9pm fireworks. They’re starting them now! Ok, they weren’t as exciting as I thought they’d be. I text Master, and to my delight I see the little green dot beside his name saying he’s online. He hasn’t replied yet, but he’s probably at a party and somehow left his Skype open. We watch the TV till midnight, but Benjamin falls asleep before then. I stay up, and I get to see the midnight fireworks. When I eventually get to bed I write the rest of my blog. I also see that Master hasn’t replied yet, but the green dot is still beside his name. According to the TV, at midnight people just go and smoosh their face up against random strangers. Would Master be doing that at his party? Would another girl try to do it to him? (It’s likely- if there’s a hot guy in the room and, you have the courage, and it’s suddenly become socially acceptable the walk right up and kiss him, and you’re single, then you kiss him- and I wouldn’t doubt Master would have more than a few crushers) Would every body else be doing it, except Master? Making him left out? Somehow I doubt those last two. I wish I could be there- wherever he is. Alas I can’t, at least not until he chooses a time to give me the present. The thought of eventually meeting him face to face gives me butterflies even now. I don’t know whether to be relieved or cross at myself for getting it put forward to the next week. I probably would’ve been worse/better if I had know what was the original date that was to be planned a week from. Maybe it’s a good thing that I don’t know. I like surprises. Anyway I’ve done my goodnight picture and tried to get a response from Master via Skype, which he still hasn’t replied to yet. So this is goodnight, from 2015!
Sorry I’m late, Grandma’s iPad wouldn’t load the new post, so I’m writing it on here. Anyway, it’s here now so enjoy!
I spent most of the day watching TV. It’s practically becoming a habit now. I don’t even know what we watched. Near lunchtime I spent some time writing a message to Master via Grandma’s iPad on Skype. Writing and rewriting, will I never learn? I didn’t want to come off as panicky or worried. Maybe even curious. Despite the fact I was all of those things. Why?- sometimes I confuse even me. Anyway, I was all of that because Master hadn’t texted yesterday. Was he busy? Or planning something? My imagination runs away with me. I also wanted to talk. Nothing much, perhaps an ‘intellectual debate’, or a Q&A. No, not a Q&A. I’m terrible at thinking up answers on the spot. Though I did have some questions for him… Anyway (I’m saying anyway too much-there I go again!) we had dinner and Benjamin and I chose some movies we wanted to go see. Turns out, Night at the Museum was on tonight, so me and Grandma went down to Armadale to see it. After the movie I couldn’t edit the post I had started today for some reason, or even do a new one. Hence why this is a day late. I wrote it on paper but I’ve re-typed it now rather than taking a photo. My writing’s to messy and small to be readable in an iPad photo.
for some reason I couldt edit my previous post from the iPad. So I’m restarting it here. Please excuse my lack of punctuation and spelling.
I woke up with a odd small smile on my cheeks. Today was Monady. Today master would/might/could/maybe contact me. I watched TV for most of the morning until dinner, only interrupted by 10 minutes on the treadmill (grandma made me) and reading between shows. Just before dinner I had a thought. How can a person be so stupid? My iPhone was turned off, and had been for a couple of days. There was no way he could Snapchat or even Skype me. The nearest he could get was commenting on my blog, not that I knew how to even see a comment yet. Anyway so I logged onto Skype via Safari, discovered Grandma had a Skype app and logged on there, and then sent a message to Master. He hasn’t replied yet, not that he made any promises. It was Grandma’s iPad too so it should have gotten through. Would he be mad about me having gone to Grandma’s? I certainly hoped not. After dinner I wrote my blog and then now I’m going to bed. Not much may have happened today, but im tired so, Goodnight.
(maybe he’ll see it tomorrow!)
today I woke up at grandma’s and (sorry I just realised she doesn’t have spellcheck on her iPad) and I went to find something to eat. After a Weetbix breakfast I put some ice blocks in a cup and go watch the movie that Bengamin’s playing in the theatre. After that I head back out to get some new ice blocks and I spot Grandma’s iPad. I remember that I have to start my blog from yesterday. I log on the the WordPress website from her iPad and begin to type my apologies. For some reason I can’t think straight with something so pressing in my head. Then I take it down into the theatre where I do a sort of stop-start typing while trying to watch the movie at the same time. It’s hard and every time I stop to watch the movie I have to bring myself to keep typing. I don’t get very much done, and by the time dinner rolls around I’m not even half done. I do the rest by the TV, and Grandma soon asks what I’m doing. She can’t see what I’m typing, not that I’ve typed anything about Master so far anyway. I reply that it’s a diary entry and that I want to finish it before tomorrow. She gives me until 10:30, which is now. Hence why this is so short Master, not that anything major happened today at all anyway. I’m sorry I didnt get to write as much as I would have liked, nor that i will be able to send you your Snapchat picture tonight. I’m sorry. Eruanna
I’m sorry I didn’t get to post last night, dad has supposedly fixed the Internet and now Grandma and Grandad have a new password for it. According to the settings on it, it will only last 2 hours without another charge and Grandma doesn’t have her charger her so I can’t even go on it. I’m typing this on Grandma’s IPad and a day late at that. I should probably start the actual blog post, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry for all that first.
I laid in bed for most of the morning, and when I finally got up to have breakfast/lunch half the family had taken Ollie for a walk. They were gone for ages and only Benjamin, me, Dad, and Grandad stayed back. When they did come back, I kept reading my book for a bit. Every now and then something reminded me of Master. I touched my iPhone more times than I can count, thinking he could have texted. I’ve almost convinced myself it was habit. Almost. Somewhere around lunchtime, though I couldn’t be sure, Mum said Grandma called and she had said we could go over there for a couple of days. If we wanted to go we had to pack quick. 5 minutes she said. I didn’t want to go, my connection to Master, though he wasn’t talking to me, was here. The pool, which if the following days were anything like today, was here. Our house had cooler airconditioning, a stack of books I had recently gotten from the library (as tall as my knee from the floor), and a daybed out the front. I didn’t want to go to Grandma’s. First I had to give mum a reason. The only one that popped into my head inclded Master. I knew that weird reasons incite questions, and I promised Master that my parents wouldn’t find out about us. That, and I couldn’t figure out how I would even say something like that. So I packed before I got into trouble, and stole away to the currently empty car to text Master. I wasnt sure if I was allowed to text him because of my punishment, but if come Monday I was still without working Internet then I would have been kicking myself for not texting him anyway. Mum and Benjamin came into the car then, and soon dad and Catherine followed. I put my iPhone away before they could see what I was doing. And more importantly, before Benjamin could ask. When we got to grandma’s, I wasn’t feeling too well so I went and laid on my bed, reading the one book I brought with me. We had dinner, and then went on a walk with Ollie. i went to bed, where I worried. And worried. My iPhone was low on power, I couldn’t send Master my Goodnight Picture, nor write up my blog. What would Master be thinking? I turned off my phone to save power, and hoped it would last till the end of the week. Though settings told me it wouldn’t. I went to bed crying that night. The stress of the day, a lack of exercise, and worry. What would Master be thinking? Why can’t I just obey him, like I want so much to do? Why can’t I be good for him? Why does life have to get in the way of everything? I better go before I start crying right now at the memory.
I’m sorry Master, for not updating my blog, for not doing my Snapchat picture, for not trying more. I’m sorry.