Day 51, Sunday 4th of January 2015

Dear Diary
Today I took ages to get up. By the third time I dragged myself out of bed it was 12 already (yes third, I kept getting back in). Then I went into the spare room and played on my iPhone for I don’t know how long. Somewhere near lunchtime (everybody was in holiday mode so we had lunch later) mum found me and got me to help with lunch. We had a platter of random suff that could feasibly go on crackers and some ham and chicken. The ham was leftover from Christmas, so when Ollie smelt all the spices with it (although his nose was probably focusing on the fat and meat smell) he went crazy. He kept jumping up, but the ham was in the middle of the table so he had no hope. Not that his brain seemed willing to notify him of that. His nearest attempt was when he tried to jump onto the bench we were sitting on at a step up to the actual table. It would have worked, if he hadn’t tried it from under the table. THONK. That dog has one thick skull. After lunch (Catherine put him on the deck and slid the old mattress across as a makeshift fence so we could eat) we did some jobs. I had washing, and it was so hot outside. The clothes barely took an hour to dry. Me? If I hadn’t have put the wet clothes on myself as I hung them up to keep me cool I would have been fried to a crisp. Even the washing machine couldn’t keep up. I used the time in between to check if Master had said anything. Even if the possibility is on the small side of 50% it’s still worth checking. Then again, in my book anything Master-related is worth doing. I also checked out some sites on the D/s stuff. I can’t always be a complete “dumb blonde” (I couldn’t think of a better word with the meaning “cluelessly innocent”) when it comes to anything remotely sexual. Or non-sexual it seems. Apparently there are D/s relationships with nothing sexual about them at all. I can’t imagine it, but then again erotica isn’t exactly the best educator when it comes to relationships. How would it even work? It must somehow for them, but it’s hard to wrap my head around it. One day I’ll understand. But not today. Then we all went in the pool, even Mum and Dad. Mum didn’t stay in for long, and we soon found out why. Nanna and Papa (Dad’s parents) came in the gate, and we all had to get out still dripping wet from the pool. Then Mum came out from the house with a dress on and only her wet hair to show that she’d been swimming. We sat around for a bit, while the adults talked and I went in my room to play on my iPhone. Still no messages from Master. I found this cute quote from someone on the internet.
When I text you, it means I miss you. When I don’t text you, it means I’m waiting for you to miss me.
And I was like… That’s so true. I found a couple of other quotes online, maybe I should post a few, and saved those that I liked, or that I was like – that’s so me. Then we walked Ollie (blip! I forgot to walk him yesterday, so that’s what I forgot) around the block. Then when we got home we had dinner out the front and after that Nanna and Papa left. Me and Catherine bounced on the trampoline, but she says I’m too heavy and that when I bounce it makes it scary for her. I point out that she’s probably gotten heavier since we were last on the trampoline as little kids too. “Yeah, but you’re still to heavy” she replies in a I-know-you’re-right-but-I’m-being-stubborn voice. You can’t win with her. I go to bed, hoping I’m not too late before I have to get my Goodnight picture before lights out. I just manage it, though only a few seconds before Mum comes down the hall. I know I should do my blog, but I stare out the window instead. The stars are so pretty and so many. I start to pair each one up with something I love about Master. Then I start to struggle to find stars that I haven’t “used” before. I move to the other side of my window, but that only gives me 20 or so more stars. A quote that I read from just that afternoon pops into my head, and I laugh as I realise I’ve done just that. For ease of reference I’ll write it here.
I started counting one star in the sky for each reason I love you…Then I ran out of stars and I realized the reasons are infinite.
Weird huh? Anyway, after that I sent it to Master, and then started on my blog. And for the first time I’ve taken no more than an hour to write it. Maybe it’s because we didn’t do much today. Sweet dreams, I hope I’m in them. You’re already in mine.
Goodnight Master

P.S. After I laid back down in bed, I knew I’d forgotten something. Again. What was it? The problem with knowing you’ve forgotten something, is you know, without a doubt, that there’s something, anything but you have no clue as to what. After the next hour of tossing and turning, it came to me. It turned out to be two things actually.
1. Was my 15 minutes in the Stay position.
And 2. Was my full moon ritual. Thank you google for confirming that.
I did Master’s Stay position first. Even though it was a good 45 minutes past 12, I hoped it counted. I opened up the window and used that as something to keep my eyes on. 12:46 was the time I started. And 12:57 was the time I ended. What is it about sitting still with my eyes doing nothing except keeping straight, and my back in a posture that should be easy and natural, that is so hard? It sounds like it should be easy-peasy but I got 11 minutes again. Just 4 minutes shy of the mark. 4 minutes. The one hour goal is looking much further away. How come I’m getting lower than before rather than higher? It’s so frustrating. And now I have to do it all over again. Practice makes perfect. And so I must practice. I swear my iPhone knows when I’m doing it and slows down it’s clock. Maybe if I used my watch it might cooperate with me better. If I put my watch on the window sill then I could watch the time and see how much further I had to go. I seriously thought I was somewhere near the 40minute mark today. 11 minutes. Maybe I should count the seconds in my head, no counting doesn’t work, when I’m working out something I look up. I wish he had said to close my eyes rather than keep them straight ahead. It’s so much harder to have to keep them focused on something. I tried again, 1:23 till 1:45. 22 minutes. It seems that’s the record to beat. This time I waited a few minutes before I tried counting. I used the eye trick so that I wouldn’t have to pay attention to what my eyes were flitting over too (that part didn’t work out – I reacted slower when my eyes wandered) then I started counting in my head in lots of 60’s and 120’s opening a finger out of my clenched fist for every minute, then repeating a hand to make 10+5. When I got to the last minute I unconsciously counted faster then slowed as I noticed it, then faster as soon as I wasn’t concentrating on it. As soon as my mind spoke “60” I fell sideways onto my pillow. You never realiser how much your back hurts until you relax it. I don’t know why time passed so slowly, but maybe it was because I was paying more attention to every second. How can I take 15 minutes texting Master or reading a book in what feels like five seconds, yet when it comes to doing nothing it feels like hours. I wish it were the other way round. At least I managed to get 22 minutes. I don’t think I would have been able to try for 15 minutes again if I had failed again.
Now for the full moon ritual. Since you probably won’t want to know, and neither would anyone but me honestly, I won’t bore you with describing it. In fact, the only part you would probably find interesting would be my nakedness. But then again, you’re a warm-blooded male. And I’m a warm-blooded female. It’s only natural. We, I better say goodnight, even though I want to keep up. The longer I stay on my iPhone the more likely I’ll catch you when you go to Snapchat for your Goodnight Photo. But I’m sooo tired. Oh well I’ll have to see if you’ve said anything in the morning
You’re in my heart tonight, tomorrow, and forever. Sweet dreams, handsome


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